Don't know how to help myself..

עברת תקיפה מינית כלשהי? לא עברת תקיפה מינית אבל את/ה מרגיש/ה רצון לעזור? את/ה מוזמנ/ת להצטרף למשפחה גדולה וחמה. הפורום הזה נועד לספק תמיכה על כל מאפייניה: אווירה של בית חם, הקשבה, עזרה, הזדהות, רגישות, תחושת ביטחון, הבנה והרבה מאוד אהבה. אנו רוצים להעניק מקום בטוח לפריקת כל הרגשות ולדבר על הדברים הקשים באמת מבלי לחשוש.

המנהלים: אורית, מיכלל

מירנדה
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הודעות: 353
הצטרף: ה' דצמבר 20, 2018 2:19 am

Don't know how to help myself..

הודעהעל ידי מירנדה » ה' מרץ 21, 2019 1:04 am

Okay so I'm sorry I'm writing in English but my thinking is not in Hebrew right now.
Umm I gotta do something to make myself feel better cuz I feel petty bad right now but don't really know what to do.
Don't even know what's bugging me so much but something really is and my heart is acing.
It's been like that for hours now.
I don't know what to do.
I guess I gotta go to sleep but I want to feel better before hand so I won't have nightmares.
Nothing seems to work.
Nothing seems to make me feel better and help me come down.
Umm if only I could let it all out but I can't.
My dissociation won't allow that.
I feel like I can't breathe.
I feel like my heart is about to explode from all the pain it's carrying
I feel like I'm so mad.
But it's like umm everything is hidden away.
Can't reach myself.
You know what I mean..?
So I just wanted to say.
Maybe to you guys or maybe to the world.
That I am in a very dark place.
Where it seems like there is no way out.
And it feels like leaving this world would save me.
Don't worry, not ready to commit suicide quit yet.
But it does feel like an option and a way out of all of this pain.
I'm straggling every day and every night.
And it won't stop.
The pain won't stop.
I wish there was something I could do to make myself feel a bit better.
But can't seem to find anything that works for me right now.
So this is my life.
And I gotta get myself together.
Cuz can't keep on living this way.

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like I'm the queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried
Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
Let it go (go, go, go go, go go, go go, go, go, go go)
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I'm free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past
Let it go
The cold never bothered me anyway
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on

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